The Day Ed Replies to Fanmail
by jojosylvia
Summary: Ed gets his own computer and now all the fangirls have his email! Now, I have stolen his account name and password so now we can all read what they wrote to him! And, of course, his replies :D
1. Letter 1

**Disclaimer: **I OWN NOTHING! AHHHHHHH! (: Besides this fic.

**Summary:** Ed gets his own computer and now all the fangirls have his email! Now I have stolen his account name and password so now we can all read what they wrote to him! And, of course, his replies ;D

**Authors Note: **This idea isn't original. I have seen many of these before and decided to write something like it too just because it's funny xD So yeah… just saying it just so no one goes on blaming me that I stole this idea from someone D: Also, if you would like to write a letter to Ed, you can email it to me at my email address or post it in the comments and I willupdate withthe reply :D It will have to be in the format as the other letters though. (:

**Letter 1**

**From: **Ed0.LuVs.mE.

**To: **Edward Elric

**Subject: **MaRrY mE!11!1

DeAr Ed0,

U r LyK tHe CoOlEsT pErsOn EvAr! I lUv U sOoOOooo MuCh! I hOpE tHaT oNe DaY We WilL gEt MaRrIed AnD hAvE LiDo Ed0 kIds! OnCe U gEt uR OwN PlAcE, I cAn MoVe In! Or! We CaN kIcK tHe RoCkBelLs OuT oF tHeIr HoUsE aNd tHeN wE cAn LiVe ThErE HapIlLy eVar aFtEr! I kNoW, Ur pRoBaBlY wOnDeRing WhErE tHey WiLl gO iF wE kIcK tHeM oUt. ItS OK wE cAn PrObAblY cOnViNcE tHeM tO lYk bE oUr pErSoNal MaIdS oR sOmEtHing. Ur BrO cAn MoVe iN WiTh uS tOo If U LyKe. O AnD U sHoUlD qUiT tHe MiLiTaRy So U cAn SpEnD MoRe TiMe WiTh Me!

XoOXoXOOXoxoOXooxooXOooooOOOXXXoxooxoxoxoxoXOOXOXOXoxoXOoxoxoOxOXxoXOOxooxoOXOxoxoOXOxooxXOOXOXOXOXoXoOXxooxoxOOxoxoxooOXoxoOOXOOXOxOOXOXOXOxooOXOOXoxoOxoXoXoXoOXOXOXoxoxoXoOX!11111111!11!111!1111111!1!1!

LuV,

Ur FuTuRe WiFe!

P.S. I LuV U!11111111!11!11111!

**Letter 1**

**From: **Edward Elric

**To: **Ed0.LuVs.mE.

**Subject: **Wtf?

Dear **Freak**,

Please go back to the first grade and learn how to write and spell correctly. I mean, who the hell types like that! Your letter is making my eyes **burn**!

And no, I will most definitely **not** marry you and have **little **children. I will also not allow you to kick the Rockbells out of their own house and turn them into my personal maids! How crazy can you get? Even if I did have my own place, do you think I would even **let** you actually live with me? I think not.

I will not quit the military for your sake. Oh, and great going you loser, you stretched my whole page with those annoying x's and o's.

Get a life,

Edward Elric

P.S. You better change your username to 'Edo.Doesn't.Love.Me.'


	2. Letter 2

**Disclaimer: **I OWN NOTHING! AHHHHHHH! (: Besides this fic.

**Summary:** Ed gets his own computer and now all the fangirls have his email! Now I have stolen his account name and password so now we can all read what they wrote to him! And, of course, his replies ;D

**Authors Note: **Glad that everyone liked the first chapter! There will be much more letters in the future! xD As for the mean time, I give you the second letter that I have stolen from Ed's email account (: Oh, and don't forget that if you want to write a letter to Ed, you can email it to me or post it in the comments and I will update with the reply :D

**Letter 2**

**From: **EdxXxPwns392

**To: **Edward Elric

**Subject: **HI!

Dear Ed,

My name is Mike. I just wanted to let you know that I really admire you. No, I am **not** gay. I didn't say Ilove you, I said I **admire **you. My friends say that I do love you; in fact, they even said that I was obsessed but I don't know why. I mean, I only made 34 different plushies of you and have around 50 other different things with your face on it, but that's only so I can worship you even more.

I don't think my friends are very bright though because one time I was going to chop off my right arm and my left leg so I can get automail like you, but my friends were all like "Don't do it! It's stupid!" Pssh, I mean seriously, what's the big deal? So I told them "But if Ed has one real arm and leg then it must be really cool!" Yeah... but in the end, I didn't do it because my parents were making a big fuss about it.

I hope that you can talk my parents into letting me do it. You probably can because you pwn** everyone**.

Peace out,

Mike

**Letter 2**

**From: **Edward Elric

**To: **EdxXxPwns392

**Subject: **Wow...

Dear Mike,

I know what the word admire means, so you don't have to go and explain all of that you don't love me junk. First of all, why the heck would you want 34 different plushies of me and 50 other random things that have my face on it just so you can worship me! That's just weird.

After reading this letter, I'm going to agree with your friends, you are **definitely **obsessed with me. I don't know about loving me, but the chances of that are **very** high.

I don't know your friends but I can tell that they are way brighter than you. I mean what the heck? Cut off your right arm and left leg just to get automail like me? You have some issues. Do you think I like having automail! If you're **that **desperate to get rid of your limbs, I suggest donating them to the hospital. But then again, who wants limbs that once belonged to a crazy person? I know I wouldn't.

You got one thing right though; I **do **pwn everyone don't I? But I won't talk your parents into cutting off your arm and leg. Instead, I rather talk to them about sending you into a mental hospital!

Hope you get locked up somewhere,

Edward Elric


	3. Letter 3

**Disclaimer: **I OWN NOTHING! AHHHHHHH! (: Besides this fic.

**Summary:** Ed gets his own computer and now all the fangirls have his email! Now I have stolen his account name and password so now we can all read what they wrote to him! And, of course, his replies ;D

**Authors Note: **LOL, these letters just get crazier and crazier (: This particular letter was written by a person who commented I think the next ones will be the same too, so enjoy If you want to write a letter to Ed, you can email it to me or post it in the comments and I will update with the reply :D

**Letter 3**

**From:** Roy-Fan-33

**To:** Edward Elric

**Subject:** Roy-ish smirk

Dear Edward Elric, prince of the Alchemist,

Can I molest you?

Lots of love (obsession),

Your Stalker

**Letter 3**

**From:** Edward Elric

**To:** Roy-Fan-33

**Subject:** Re: Roy-ish smirk

Dear obsessed Stalker,

It has come to my attention that your username says **Roy Fan. **The subject of your letter also says **Roy. **Not only that but you're **smirking** like **Roy.** Do you **know **how annoying that smirk is? If you were right here in front of me, you would have been sent to hell the second you made that smirk. If I think about it, I would have already done that before you even smirked because you're an annoying fangirl!

Even though you called me the prince of the Alchemist, _which is so true by the way_, you are not allowed to molest me. It is **obvious **that you want to molest Roy instead. And, _being the prince that I am_, I give you full permission to do just that. So now you can leave me alone.

Go stalk Roy,

Edward Elric


	4. Letter 4

**Disclaimer: **I OWN NOTHING! AHHHHHHH! (: Besides this fic.

**Summary:** Ed gets his own computer and now all the fangirls have his email! Now I have stolen his account name and password so now we can all read what they wrote to him! And, of course, his replies ;D

**Authors Note:** This letter is the same as the last one, it was written by someone who commented (: Oh, and some of you are complaining that it doesn't really sound like Ed and I'm sorry xD I suck at trying to be a character T.T well here's the next letter :D

**Letter 4**

**From:** agent0

**To:** Edward Elric

**Subject:** um...

Hey, Ed, Something's been bothering me. I'm probably the only fangirl in the world that isn't wishing to marry you. The truth is even scarier, because for some reason, I act just like Al, so I think of you more like a brother! No, I'm serious. I catch myself saying the things he does even before I realize what I'm doing, I'm (ahem) kind of obsessed with cats, everything that Al's good at, I learn quickly, and I even cast a spell once, and had it work so well it was scary, without even researching on how to do it. Oh...and, um...you're my favorite character in the series...see? Further proof...Can you tell me why I'm like that? Am I a freak?

Seriously confused,

Melissa

P.S. Hope this letter didn't sound too stupid to you. (Oh gosh, I'm acting like Al again!)

**Letter 4**

**From:** Edward Elric

**To: **agent0

**Subject: **. . .

Melissa...

I am glad to hear that you're not one of those annoying fangirls that want to marry me. But you're right, the truth **is **scarier. I mean... It's just creepy. Even though you think of me as your brother, you're just another weirdo fangirl that thinks you're turning into Al!

You should go see a psychiatrist. Maybe they can help you find your **own** personality instead of copying Al's! I think that spell thing was all in your head. You need to get more sleep or at least some help.

I already knew that I was your favorite since you managed to find my email and send me a pointless letter. As for why you're like that, I think it's because you're **crazy**. Stay away from me. Stay away from Al too.

And yes, you're a freak,

Edward Elric


	5. Letter 5

**Disclaimer: **I OWN NOTHING! AHHHHHHH! (: Besides this fic.

**Summary:** Ed gets his own computer and now all the fangirls have his email! Now I have stolen his account name and password so now we can all read what they wrote to him! And, of course, his replies ;D

**Authors Note: **This letter is the same as the last one, it was written by someone who commented, except it was emailed to me so you won't find it in the comments. lol

**Letter 5**

**From: **Edsbhaby

**To:** Edward Elric

**Subject: **want u 2 B my bhaby

Like OMG I finally got ur email! Ur like my favorite guy in the whole wide world! I think absolutely everything u do is so brave and exciting and ur SOOO TOTALLY HOTT! That metal arm and leg is so friggin kool! I want you to be my bhaby! PLEASE SAY YES AND YOU WON'T REGRET IT! And I think ur hair is so sexy when it's not braided, LEAVE IT DOWN FOREVER! Ur hair is SOO smexy blowing in the wind! Im getting my own place soon so you can move in with me and we'll start a family together...you can teach them everything you know and they'll be the Next Generation of Alchemists! Edward Jr.! awwww that would be soooo cuuuuute! Ur so incredibly hott so date me will ya?

Luvs times INFINTY,

Jenna (soon to be, Elric) :D

**Letter 5**

**From: **Edward Elric

**To: **Edsbhaby

**Subject: **I don't want you to be my baby, too bad

Dear Jenna that will never ever be an Elric,

I regret the day you got my email. You need to get a new **brain**. Not everything I do is brave and exciting, for example, sending this letter to you is neither **brave** nor **exciting**. Tch, I might be hot but my automail is not "friggin kool." Why don't you get one for yourself and see how cool it is then!

I won't be your "bhaby" either. If I said yes, I think I **would** have regretted it. And no, I won't leave my hair down **forever**. Have you ever thought of **why **my hair is up most of the time? It's so it doesn't get in my way in killing all of you annoying fangirls!

And I don't care if you are going to get your own place soon because I most definitely **will not **move in with you and start a family! As for the last question, you can answer that for your self. I think you would know the answer by now. If not, you're more idiotic than I thought.

**Hate** times infinity,

Edward Elric


	6. Letter 6

**Disclaimer: **I OWN NOTHING! AHHHHHHH! (: Besides this fic.

**Summary:** Ed gets his own computer and now all the fangirls have his email! Now I have stolen his account name and password so now we can all read what they wrote to him! And, of course, his replies ;D

**Authors Note: **This letter was written by someone who commented too (: It seems like it's half fanmail and half hatemail xD Hmm... this should be interesting... lol

**Letter 6**

**From:** Saitronprince

**To:** Ed Elric

**Subject:** Dunno...

You are really cool... As in awesome! I watched you everyday and your automail is awesome. My mom says I have to get my head out of the gutter, but I think you'd be really cute with Winry. Boy, she's HOT! And why does Al always have a loin cloth? That's really Fked up dude. I think Roy is a jack ass too. My friends say I'm a jack ass. Do you think I am? I don't but... I should stop rambling, huh? And last time I checked,

I was the prince of Alchemy. HELLO, LOOK AT MY USERNAME! You know what,

I also think you're short. And I realized you are really clichéd, and you know what I DO think you're a jack ass. Al is way cooler than you. You loser! Maybe I should write a letter to Al...

I realized you're a bad Role Model,

Saitron PRINCE

P.S. I AM THE PRINCE, SO GO WANK OFF ON A PIC OF WINRY OR SOMETHING!

**Letter 6**

**From:** Edward Elric

**To:** Saitronprince

**Subject:** Re: Dunno...

Dear Saitron,

Do you know how many of the same comments I get everyday? I get **a lot**. So yours don't make any difference in my life. Listen to what your mom says because you **need **to get your head of the gutter. Winry is practically a **sister **to me. I will not be together with her, let alone think that she's hot.

I don't know why Al always has a loin cloth. It never bothered him or anyone else, so I don't know why you're getting so worked up about it. And yes, Roy is a jackass.

AND WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE CAN'T BE A PRINCE BECAUSE THE CROWN IS TOO BIG! Just because your username has the word prince in it doesn't mean that you're the prince of alchemy! You can be the prince of cows for all I know. And maybe **you're** the loser because you're the one who's sending fanmails to me!

I don't know anything about Al being cooler than me, but he's my bro! So he's cool to me. And maybe you **should** write a letter to him just so he can complain back to you on how you called me a jackass.

You have problems. First you said I was cool and after a while you said I was a jackass? I mean, what the hell? And I am **not **going to "wank off" on a picture of Winry! Maybe you should since you're so interested in her!

I agree with your friends too.

You **are** a jackass,

Edward Elric


	7. Letter 7

**Disclaimer: **I OWN NOTHING! AHHHHHHH! (: Besides this fic.

**Summary:** Ed gets his own computer and now all the fangirls have his email! Now I have stolen his account name and password so now we can all read what they wrote to him! And, of course, his replies ;D

**Authors Note:** Same as the last one, it was written by someone who commented 8D uhh, sorry it took so looongggg for me to update this one o.o;; I've been bombarded with TONS of letters that needs replies from Ed xD And don't worry, for those of you who sended a letter, they will be replied to eventually. :D

**Letter 7**

**From:** Only I may call Envy a gay fag

**To:** Edward Elric

**Subject: **none

I have decided to count every little thing I own that has to do with FMA my Takes five hours to count 641 (my guinea pig don't count) Oh I almost forgot! my cell phone's wallpaper! Oh shit! I'm missing Unsolved Mysteries! Gotta go!

Yours forever and three days,

Ashizu (Soon to be) Elric

**Letter 7**

**From:** Edward Elric

**To:** Only I may call Envy a gay fag

**Subject: **Re: none

Dear Ashizu,

First of all, I **have **to say something about your username. Your username amuses me to no end. Haha... I always knew Envy was gay...

-cough-** Anyways**, I don't really care how many things you own that has to do with FMA. It only proves that you're a crazy obsessed otaku! And what does your guinea pig have to do with anything? ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT I'M SMALLER THAN A GUINEA PIG!

Your letter was very **very **pointless. And what is "Unsolved Mysteries?" Is it a show or something? It sounds corny.

And you are not a soon to be Elric. You're more like a never will be Elric.

I don't get that three days comment at the end,

Edward Elric


	8. Letter 8

**Disclaimer: **I OWN NOTHING! AHHHHHHH! (: Besides this fic.

**Summary:** Ed gets his own computer and now all the fangirls have his email! Now I have stolen his account name and password so now we can all read what they wrote to him! And, of course, his replies ;D

**Authors Note:** Same as the last one, it was written by someone who commented! Also, People are saying that I was making Ed look bad because he was being so mean T.T But! I will try to improve on making him nicer :)

**Letter 8**

**To:** Edward Elric

**From:** Mrs. Elric

**Subject:** Can I?

Dear Ed,

Is it true that u and Roy are going out? And if it is? Can I like kill Roy? And like, will you like marry me? and then we can like have like kids and like...

CAN LIKE I LIKE DO LIKE IT LIKE WITH LIKE YOU?

Much love,

Mrs.Elric

**Letter 8**

**To:** Mrs. Elric

**From:** Edward Elric

**Subject:** No, you **can't**

Dear delusional girl,

I am not about to give you any personal information. So you'll **never **know who I'm going out with, so NYAH.

No, you **cannot** kill Roy. I won't even **allow** you to go near him, so don't even think about it. No, I won't marry you. No, we won't have kids together. No, I won't do it with you. If you have any other questions, the answer will be **no. **

And what language do you speak? You should try learning **English.** You know, the language where the word 'like' isn't used after every other word.

And you are **not** Mrs. Elric,

Edward Elric


End file.
